


hoax

by blue_fairytale



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Compliant, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt Sam Winchester, Other: See Story Notes, POV Jessica Moore, Pre-Canon, Song: hoax (Taylor Swift), i think? maybe? i'll say it is, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:21:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28268304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_fairytale/pseuds/blue_fairytale
Summary: We all know how their story ended. We don't know how it started... Until now.Sam was dark and twisted, probably everyone would run away from him, but not Jess. Not the person that had a lot of darkness inside of her. Not the one that saw him as a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. Maybe they could both be dark and twisted together.don't want no other shade of blue but youno other sadness in the world would do
Relationships: Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester
Kudos: 3





	hoax

**Author's Note:**

> **trigger warning:** implicit mentions of suicide.
> 
> Just a quick fyi: English is my second language (Portuguese, being the firs), so I apologize in advance for any typo or any other mistake you may find here, feel free to point it out to me so I can fix it, okay? thank you 💙

She knew from the beginning; from the very first time she laid eyes on him: he was trouble. But boy, was he beautiful. There was something behind that façade he put on. A shadow lurking deep on his hazel eyes. He didn’t smile often, but she learned very quickly to cherish the moments he allowed a shy smile to part his lips. The first time she heard him laugh, she was sure that was how angels sounded when they were singing. It was beautiful, pure, a laugh that came from deep inside, a place that hadn’t seen the light of day in a very long time. If she only she knew.

Technically, they weren’t supposed to meet. She was about to start nursing school, and he was gonna be some hot shot layer someday. But god bless colleges and the huge amount of parties people threw. Also, God bless Brady for introducing them. Sure, she had seen Sam before, from far away, just watching him, analyzing him, slowly being enamored by his presence and that weird energy he had around him. It was almost like she could see herself in him.

He was dark and twisted, even though she never actually learned the truth about him and his family. She knew he had a somewhat good relationship with his older brother, Dean, until Sam decided to leave the family to chase his dream and go to Stanford; his father, on the other hand, that relationship had flew out of the window once Sam made up his mind about college. Jess would always make an effort to not bring the matter of his family after learning those details. If Sam’s shadows were big without mentioning them, they only grew whenever his father was brought to the table.

She couldn’t relate to him, not in that matter. Her relationship with her family was good, even though she left them in New York to go live in California. But they understood her reasons, Jess just _needed_ to go. That need was what she shared with Sam. The need to run, to pursue their own dreams and not being tainted by their families’ messes. She didn’t know what exactly was the deal with John, Sam’s father, but she already didn’t like him.

Jess could see, clear as day, how much brightness Sam had in him. He would brighten every place, make her day a million times better no matter what. Eventually she realized how much he resembled an eclipsed sun. Always bright until something comes to try and cover that light. That something was his past, his family, whatever had happened to make them fall apart after his mom died when he was only six months old. Jess never asked and Sam never told her, even though she knew sometimes he would feel bad about it. She would always try to reassure him that he didn’t need to worry, there was stuff about her life that she didn’t share either.

In fact, the first time she saw him, Jess was at her lowest. Ready for that next and final step, just stopping one last time for one last prayer. Her parents were catholic and Jess had her faith. So she held on to that one last time, praying, almost screaming at the top of her lungs for _one reason_ , a very good one to not join her brother.

A year ago, she thought that leaving New York would make the weight of that loss stay behind her, and she would be able to start over. Years of pain and suffering after losing one of her best friend, her partner in crime, Jess was just exhausted and ready to move on. Even though she was scared about the fact that she could forget him, she wanted to move on, it was what he would’ve wanted, right? That’s what everyone kept telling her either way, so she forced herself to believe.

The first two months were somewhat easy, the hassle to adapt to a new place, moving and finding a place to stay, meeting new people, a whole new city… That was distracting enough. The problem was the need to share all of that with _someone_. She didn’t have any old friends back in New York, having lost them to her grief and depression. Her only friend would be… Slowly, Jess just started to see herself drowning, almost as if she was going back to square one. All of the progress she thought she had done fading away, slipping through her fingers and there was nothing she could do.

She was ready to give up, to call it a day, to just disappear. If he could do it, so could she, right? Truth is, she didn’t know if she was that strong. If there was something she had learned was how much strength took to take its own life, and she lacked that completely. That didn’t mean she wasn’t willing to try, because she was. But if she could receive one last sign, one last reason to not give up… That would be good.

Stepping out of the church, she saw him. A ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. Sitting under a tree, reading a very heavy book. Dark, long hair flowing with the breeze, a frown in his forehead and eyes fixed on the book. For a moment she wished she was the center of all of that attention. She watched him for a long moment, waiting for something – for him to look up, for something to distract him and cause him to look around so she could see more details on his face. It didn’t matter, she just wanted whatever more the Universe was willing to give her. It didn’t happen, but she didn’t feel entirely bad about it. It was something already; she wasn’t in any position to complain or demand more.

A few days later, she saw him again in line on her favorite coffee shop. She could see more of him, specially how _tall_ he was, and how soft his voice sounded. Two customers separated them, and Jess almost forced them to erase any space between them just so she could hear a little bit more of his voice. It was somewhat soothing, still sounding young and fresh. He was also kind, thanking everyone that partook in the process of getting his coffee – black, no sugar – ready. She couldn’t see his smile back then, but she could hear in his voice, and wasn’t that nice? It was the first time she heard his name: Sam.

The third time was during a party. She didn’t want to go, but her roommate kinda forced her, so Jess just decided it was best to give in then fight against it. Thank God she did. It was the first sound she heard once she walked in the room, holding a red cup filled with beer she had no interest in drinking. He was on the couch, next to a blonde guy she remembered seen around, holding a similar cup and looking as unhappy as she felt. She smiled, considering maybe both of them were there against their own will, forced by the insistence of their roommates.

Brady was introduced to her on that same party, by her roommate. Thankfully Brady was more interested in her roommate then on Jess herself, because that would be awkward. Sadly, he didn’t bring _Sam_ to introduce him to Jess – and her roommate, of course. From the little Jess could see, Sam was actually better at making friends than she was. But that was okay, she wouldn’t hold it against him. She was patient, and she trusted the process and Universe’s will. She had prayed and she didn’t believe it was just a coincidence she had seen Sam as soon as she left the church. If God wanted to test her faith, she would pass with the highest scores.

If anyone asked Jess, she would say the wait was worth it. She was finally introduced to Sam – by Brady – nearing the beginning of the new semester, one last party she had accepted to go just to take the edge off before all the craziness began. Apparently, it was her last test on the waiting for the mysterious tall and smart guy. They had crossed paths a couple of more times; she had seen him sitting under that same tree more times, and on other parties. Mostly, he kept to himself, being more open whenever Brady or the other guy she didn’t know the name was around. She would see him smile and hear his laugh, most of the times the latter would be more superficial, but every now and then she would hear what she would label as his _real_ laugh, and that was a good sound. Better than any music playing on the background, that’s for sure.

His laugh, his smile, his voice… Everything about him seemed to push away the darkest clouds of the darkest days. It made her feel lighter, and that was even before they were properly introduced – Jess would learn months later that Sam had been bothering Brady for days to introduce them, apparently he was as enamored by her as she was by him. Once she had officially met Sam, everything in her life felt a thousand times better. He was smart, funny, kind and respectful. She could talk all day long about the most boring subjects and he would still hear with the utmost patience.

They shared little details about their lives, both of them realizing each was carrying their own heavy baggage and never asking for more than the other was comfortable giving. It was good, it was enough. Both of them had that feeling of California meaning a new life, and everything that happened before they got there should stay in the past. It was a new life, and there was no space for old pains and suffering.

Their first kiss happened during a lunch-date as they’re walking around the park. Jess had been waiting for that for a _long_ time, but Sam seemed to be very respectful, a little bit too much, if you asked her, but she could handle. It was just one more thing on his never ever ending list of adorableness. The day was bright and clear, they both had been studying like crazy and the lunch and walk around came as a breath of fresh air. As Jess had pointed out, it was a beautiful day to spend locked inside with their faces buried in books. And Sam just seemed incapable of saying ‘no’ to her.

With Jess, she had noticed, Sam seemed more relaxed. The heaviness on his shoulders were gone, the shadows that followed him, clouded his eyes, almost disappeared completely. Jess had no doubt that the same way she trusted and allowed him to walk into her life completely, Sam had done the same. The same way he was her ray of sunshine on a cloudy day, she carried the same meaning – that one had been confessed over a very drunk date night that ended with him sleeping on her couch ( _a gentleman_ ).

On that coffee-date, they stumbled upon a water fountain and she just couldn’t help herself, asking for a change and just giving in to her childish impulses and tossing a coin on the fountain, making a wish. Sam laughed at her antics and asked what she had wished for.

“I can’t tell you that… Although you should know by now.” She had replied him, with a big smile on her lips that she only offered him. “Kinda rude to make a girl wait so long, Samuel.” He laughed – and boy, wasn’t that _pure bliss_ – his hands reaching out to her, holding her arms. His gentle touch warming her on the inside as a swarm of butterflies took over her stomach. They had touched each other countless times by then, but it never ceased to amaze her how gentle his touch was, how it would cause a succession of reactions in her body as if she had never been touched before.

And his kiss was no different. Whoever was responsible for raising Sam deserved a golden medal, because the guy was a gentleman in everything. Sure, they were in a park in the middle of the day and kids were playing nearby, it wasn’t the most appropriate time for a hot passionate kiss, but still, Jess found herself dumbfounded by how careful he was, how respectful of her limits. His lips were soft against hers; his big hands rising up to frame her face and allow him to pour himself onto that simple first kiss. It was everything and more, worth every second of waiting.

“I just hope you don’t make me wait that long for _other_ stuff,” she joked when the kiss came to an end and Sam just laughed at her.

From there, things just got better between them – something Jess didn’t think it was possible. They supported each other through their challenges, hard nights of studies and nightmares, when their ghosts from the past decided to break their moment of truce and calm. They had arguments, countless, even though no one would believe whenever they tried to share with their friends. To everyone on the outside, they were the dream couple, and most of the times they believed in that, but sometimes it was hard. Only the two of them could understand how many skeletons they had in their very well closed closets.

“I just don’t understand, Jess,” Sam told her one night. They never yelled at each other, there was never banging doors and throwing things in the wall. It was more heated arguments, long conversations over low self-esteems and self-worthy issues. It was about carrying the weight of how others in their families would perceive them, others’ expectations regarding their future. How much she resented his father for causing so much damage on him; or how much he hated how she could never let go of the memories of her brother and her incapacity of letting go of the guilty she carried for not being able to save him. “Do you see him in me? Am I just, what? Your second chance? You couldn’t save him so you’re trying to save me now?”

“What?” She could feel her face warming up, and could only imagine how red it was by the way Sam swallowed hard. It took a lot to make Jess really angry; more often than not she was just more annoyed than anything else. Anger was something Sam had never witnessed in the entire year they’ve been together. “Tell me you’re joking, Samuel.” And there were only two ways she would call him like that: if she was joking, or if she was really pissed. It clearly wasn’t the first. “Why would you ever think that?”

“Because I’m a mess, Jess!” Still, he tried to argue. Jess could tell it was something that had been beating him up for a long time. She couldn’t really find in herself to blame him. From his perspective, it could be a possibility. “You don’t even know half of it.”

“And don’t you think I’m a mess too?” She asked. “Come on, Sam, we’ve been through this before.”

“And you were never able to explain why you’re still with me,” he replied. Well, she did, he was the one that didn’t want to believe her. “You could have anyone else in the world, Jess. What are you doing moving in with me? Tying yourself to me?”

“Have you ever considered that maybe _you_ are the one saving someone else in here?” She heard herself asking. It was a promise she had made herself to never tell Sam the truth about the first time she had actually seen him. Jess had told him that she first saw him at the line on the coffee shop. “Sam… You’re the _only_ one for me. The _only one_ that could understand my mess the same way I understand yours. And that’s the only reason I let you in. Any other person would have demanded the truth, would have asked me to tell everything and they couldn’t bare the truth. But you? Sam… You’re my reason. The reason I’m still here, the reason _we_ are here. Before you...”

“What?” He seemed confused and she didn’t blame him. She knew that promise to keep the truth was a bogus one, eventually it would come out. She only hoped it would take longer.

“I was ready to give up, Sam,” Jess confessed. “I went to the church and prayed one last time. I asked, no, I _begged_ , for one reason. Just one to make me see how life could be good. How it could be beautiful. As soon as I stepped out of the church, I saw you.” She smiled at the memory, longing eyes gazing into the distance. “Sitting under a tree, reading a book, so focused that nothing was able to disturb your peace. And I would know, because I just stood there, for hours staring at you.”

“You said…”

“The coffee shop was the second time, completely by accident, but a happy one at least. I didn’t wanna tell you because, well, not a very good thing to tell on your first date that you’re ready to give up your entire life, right?” She shrugged. It should be a hard topic, but Sam had helped her so much – more than he could ever understand and she could grasp – that she felt at peace talking about that. “Sam, truth is, we’re both messed up. We both carry darkness around us. Our past is crappy, and we have so many skeletons inside our closets it barely has any space for our clothing.” That got a smile from him and Jess knew the fight was over. “There’s no other shade of blue by my side other than yours. No other pain or sadness in the world would do. You’re not a charity case; you’re not my attempt to repair what I couldn’t do to my brother. You’re my only one.”

“I love you, Jess,” he said, walking towards her, hands on her face and lips against hers. Jess smiled against his lips, those three words never failing to make her heart flutter and butterflies take over her inside.

Even now, as she feels life being drawn out of her. Brady’s sadistic smile should be her last memory, but all she sees is Sam. Sam and his hazel eyes, almost closing as he laughs at one of her jokes. Sam and his soft voice, telling her about his day. Sam and the ring he bought her and hid so badly she had found on the next day. Sam and his lack of faith in life and everyone else but her and their relationship.

He had kissed her goodbye a few days ago, promising he would be back by Monday. She had so many questions, especially regarding the sudden apparition of his older brother, but she trusted him. He had kissed her, he had whispered _I love you_ , he had promised he would tell her a little bit more about him, his family and their lives once he got back. She didn’t have the time to tell him he didn’t need to worry. She would still love him regardless. She barely had a chance to tell him _I love you too_ , having to hold his hand tight and bring him back to her arms so she could smile at him, whisper those words and give him one last kiss goodbye before watching him leave with Dean.

She closes her eyes, going back to that first day, stepping out of church and finding a dark haired boy sitting under a tree with a large book. A few months later, she would be under that same tree, lying next to him, her heard propped on his tight as she held a novel, and he read his heavy book with the same focus and intensity she had seen the first time he saw him. The difference now was that there would _someone_ else capable of getting his attention, distract him from his intense glare. And he would smile at her as sweetly as ever, give in to her request for a kiss and then go back as if he was never interrupted.

Sam could say as many times as he wanted that he was a mess, a farce, a hoax, Jess would never believe him. She could see beyond all, and she loved him with everything she had, even if that love would cost her life.

_Your faithless love is the only hoax I believe in_

**Author's Note:**

> So, I had this written for quite a while. My main idea was to write one fic for each song on the folklore album, but I failed quite miserably at this, oh well, maybe some day. This one I was able to write and finish, and I do have the beginning of Sam's version of this, with another song, that I'll try to finish it some day.
> 
> I'm a big Saileen shipper, but I can't help it and feel sorry for Jess and their relationship - I thank all the incredible fanfics I read that painted so many good pictures of Jess - and when I heard this song, it just clicked. I know there's a lot of people out there that see this album as a big destiel album, and I can see (and approve) that, just found a small space here for some Sam/Jess.
> 
> We don't have a lot of information about her past, so we do have a big clear canvas to work with, and that's what I did. I hope you guys liked it.
> 
> Also, this is me trying to get back into the fandom/fanfic after that ending, I hope it works lol
> 
> Thanks for reading all of this and, please, feel free to leave some kudos and/or comments, those also make my heart flutter.
> 
> Love, Blue 💙


End file.
